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Post by jimlukelkc on Aug 17, 2011 12:20:02 GMT
Just a thought, we have theorised about and drawn upon experience of conflict management. We have talked about "being in the zone", managing the fear of fighting etc. How many of us have discussed escaping , backing down without the resort to violence? I believe with every implied or implicit threat issued, there is also given an avenue of escape but due to cultural issues or pride or a lack of understanding of our own behaviour, we fail to take the escape route offered. I will give one example as a scenario for discussion but I am sure you can all think of others. A guy in a bar with his wife, girlfriend or significant other. Some other guy, backed up by his friends" comes on" to his woman. In most cultures this would be perceived as an insult to the man, disrespect to the woman and an invitation to get your head kicked in. In that situation how many men turn to their woman and ask " How do you want to handle this"? 99.9% of women would ask to leave, and thats what you should do! We compromise all the time but seem to find it hard to compromise in that kind of situation. It is cultural, we have pre-conceived ideas of how these things are meant to be handled and often act out those pre-conceived , entrenched ideas for no good reason.
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Post by fujicolt on Aug 17, 2011 21:26:48 GMT
I totally get yer (very interesting) point Jim and have actually discussed this often with other long term Karateka - the general concensus seems to be that 'the more skilled you become the less you fight' I think age and Maturity assists also. However, it also seems to be that 'if' action is required it is either restrain or disable the twonk ( A hold or sweep for example) or it is full on 'take them out' with no middle ground. I have also had similar from Seasoned Doormen, EX Boxers and other Seasoned MA's. It will be interesting to hear others views on this. on your analogy though Jim - unfortunately these days the twonks seem to assume that any kind of 'withdrawal' signals weakness and they tend to just hunt on in often leaving little chance of 'No response'. I know without any doubt I am very far from alone in having seen and endured this
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Post by superjock on Aug 18, 2011 3:20:06 GMT
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Post by kensei on Aug 18, 2011 12:35:16 GMT
First off let me tell you that the Conflict res. classes I have taken are all crap! Granted they were conflict res. for work, and to be frank..if I am attacked or someone threatens me, I get my back up pretty fast and I have found my own ways are better than the ones presented by some moron that thinks he is a smarter guy and can think himself out of a fight! Let me see here, when I was young I had a very bad temper and I can remember several occasions where I went off on guys that were trying to chat up a girl I was with. Only a few guys kept it up and ended up outside with me, and one or two in the bar got a free dance lesson. Now that I am older I still have a temper, but with a family and bills to pay I am not in a hurry to drop my job for some jail time. I find that "befriending" people tends to work the best, if that does not work I explain to them that I dont want to be homeless for killing them and that seems to work, especially if said the right way. My father taught me a long time ago to avoid fighting unless you had to fight. and if you had to fight, dont worry about rules and dont stop till you no longer have to fight. if someone is dumb enough to push you to fight then they get what they get. Dont start fights, but make sure you are the one ending it! At 40, the wife and I dont go to the bar, especially with my daughter being in the picture, however the two times she has seen me have to defend myself since we began dating and after we got married...the wife prefers if I dont hurt people anymore so she tells me to avoid the conflict and leave that poor mans throat alone! thats conflict resolution!
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Post by jimlukelkc on Aug 18, 2011 16:10:15 GMT
I take on board all you have said gents, however I was not really talking about what to do in that situation, the question was do we do everything we can to walk away. I agree completely that conflict resolution classes advocated by corporate managers and inflicted on employees are shite! I acknowledge that, all other avenues exhausted, we may have to fight but how many of can swallow pride and walk away? how many of us get sucked into the monkey dance? In that situation how many of us have the self control not to insult the other guy, not to threaten him or posture back or assault him? I was once told, be wary of the bloke who gets up quietly from his seat and walks slowly towards you. He is the one who knows what he is doing and has been there before. No reaction, intimidatory or otherwise. Take a given opportunity to leave , and if all else fails strike without warning ? Or are we hard-wired by our cultural experiences and influences to join in the "monkey dance"?
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Post by superjock on Aug 18, 2011 19:13:20 GMT
I take on board all you have said gents, however I was not really talking about what to do in that situation, the question was do we do everything we can to walk away. I agree completely that conflict resolution classes advocated by corporate managers and inflicted on employees are shite! I acknowledge that, all other avenues exhausted, we may have to fight but how many of can swallow pride and walk away? how many of us get sucked into the monkey dance? In that situation how many of us have the self control not to insult the other guy, not to threaten him or posture back or assault him? I was once told, be wary of the bloke who gets up quietly from his seat and walks slowly towards you. He is the one who knows what he is doing and has been there before. No reaction, intimidatory or otherwise. Take a given opportunity to leave , and if all else fails strike without warning ? Or are we hard-wired by our cultural experiences and influences to join in the "monkey dance"? I've been in a few situations where legally I would have have been justified in bashing them. However in all these cases I chose not to. I all but one of these cases they were drunk. Yes at times I done the posturing thing it can (not always) be the safest way out. One time 9 likely lads took on two of us (pre my karate years) my mate tried to fight his way out, I just ducked and avoided. We both left the dance hall at the same time (at speed) he was all bashed up I never got hit. I know your thinking that I hid behind him......no it was me that pulled him out and saved him from a severe kicking. Looking back we should have left earlier all the signs of a kick off were there, however young single lads looking for lasses switched the brain off. Nowadays if I'm out (which is rare) even if I get an uneasy feeling about a place situation I will leave and go elsewhere.
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